2/7/2017
Here it is February, and I have turned the furnace off. I can hardly believe it. It's going to be in the 60's today. If the temperatures continue to rise, we'll need to turn the air conditioner on! I think just about everybody would like to see a bit of snow. Notice I said bit. We don't need "foots" of snow, but a few inches would be okay. Mother Nature is fickle for sure.
I went to my book club last night and brought along my Bourbon (I used Whiskey) cheesecake bites. These little bites are really tasty, but due to the caramel, they are also very sticky. Basically, you need to eat the "bite" with one hand, while holding a wet paper towel in the other! But, if you ever decide to search out the recipe, here is a handy hint. Instead of unwrapping and melting caramel candy, do yourself a favor and buy liquid caramel. I bought Ghirardelli caramel sauce that comes in a squeeze bottle. This stuff is really good, probably too good, because you'll want to think up things to bake just so you can drizzle the caramel sauce on!
Today's task is to continue my shredding duties. I have my "to be shredded" papers in a LARGE trash bag. Note to self: it would be easier to shred more often! It's easier on me and certainly would prevent the shredder from overheating! Actually, when I think about it, almost any task would be easier if done on a regular basis. Dusting comes to mind - ugh.
My "help I've fallen" system has arrived. Since I'm absolutely helpless and/or hopeless with setting up things and/or falling instructions, I'll wait for Jeff to come home. If I ever have to use the alert even one time, it will be (for me at least) money well spent. It's sort of like the generator. It's there if you need it, and if you don't, it's still waiting to be put to use. It's tough to be so task challenged, but I have always had Jeff or the boys to do things like this for me. So much for being an independent woman.
To reduce unnecessary barking, and to continue with potty training, the dogs are locked in the house. I now take them out about every 1 1/2 hours. This is working well, and once they go potty, they get a treat.
I hope the sun is shining brightly where you are.
P
Tuesday, February 7, 2017
Monday, February 6, 2017
The Day After The Super Bowl
2/6/2017
Jeff went out yesterday afternoon to get a few groceries. While he was gone, I got the laundry done and fixed dinner. What a good girl am I!
After dinner, we sat down and watched the Super Bowl. Now my knowledge of football is almost less than zero. I know they play with a spiral ball and that there are goal posts at end end of the field. Beyond that, I'm pretty much just a participant in watching. Most of the time I had no idea what was going on. But, even to a novice, the game was exciting. Jeff, who gets up to go to work at the crack of dawn, stayed up until the final overtime moment.
I generally look forward to the commercials. But, this year those commercials seemed rather "eh" to me. Lots of commercials previewing action movies filled with all types of destruction. I thought the best commercial was from Mercedes with a bar scene full of rough riders, and Peter Fonda hopping into a Mercedes and driving away.
Jeff and I hit the fast forward button on the half-time show. I think Lady Gaga is a fine performer, she just doesn't sing any songs that Jeff and I want to listen to. I know, I know, color us old!
I have book club tonight and I'm bring the dessert: Bourban-Caramel Cheesecake Bites. I've never made them before, so hope that they turn out alright. I'll let you know tomorrow what the ladies thought.
Have a wonderful Monday and I hope that the team you were rooting for won yesterday.
P
Jeff went out yesterday afternoon to get a few groceries. While he was gone, I got the laundry done and fixed dinner. What a good girl am I!
After dinner, we sat down and watched the Super Bowl. Now my knowledge of football is almost less than zero. I know they play with a spiral ball and that there are goal posts at end end of the field. Beyond that, I'm pretty much just a participant in watching. Most of the time I had no idea what was going on. But, even to a novice, the game was exciting. Jeff, who gets up to go to work at the crack of dawn, stayed up until the final overtime moment.
I generally look forward to the commercials. But, this year those commercials seemed rather "eh" to me. Lots of commercials previewing action movies filled with all types of destruction. I thought the best commercial was from Mercedes with a bar scene full of rough riders, and Peter Fonda hopping into a Mercedes and driving away.
Jeff and I hit the fast forward button on the half-time show. I think Lady Gaga is a fine performer, she just doesn't sing any songs that Jeff and I want to listen to. I know, I know, color us old!
I have book club tonight and I'm bring the dessert: Bourban-Caramel Cheesecake Bites. I've never made them before, so hope that they turn out alright. I'll let you know tomorrow what the ladies thought.
Have a wonderful Monday and I hope that the team you were rooting for won yesterday.
P
Sunday, February 5, 2017
Valentine's Day A Bit Early
2/5/2017
Last night, Jeff and I went out for dinner. We ate at a steakhouse, where appropriately most people go to eat steak. For sure, they have fish and chicken on the menu, but what's the point of going to a steakhouse if you're going to eat chicken. Chicken is cheap, you can eat it at home anytime.
I ordered Filet Mignon, which is my go to favorite cut of meat. Jeff had a rib eye. That first bite of my filet was so delicious that I actually closed my eyes while I savored the taste of the meat. Jeff and I are beef eaters. Well, we used to be beef eaters, but at the price of steaks currently, there is no red meat in our freezer, except for ground beef. And, ground beef isn't really red meat to me. It's something you cook with and not something you actually make into hamburgers. I didn't finish my meal, which was my intention. Leftovers are so good. But even though I didn't finish my dinner, that didn't stop me from ordering a dessert to go! Life without dessert is just not living.
We watched a bit of television and went to bed after watching several episodes of the tv show "24". With the addition of television shows on Amazon or Netflix, you can binge watch all day long! That's not actually healthy, but you could I suppose.
On Sundays, I load up the Tivo for the week's television shows. Since the Super Bowl is on today, there are no conflicting shows that need to be re-arranged. Thanks to sports on Sundays, our shows starting with "60 Minutes" always have to be recorded longer to accommodate a game. It wouldn't hurt my feelings if ballgames were on a completely different channel, one entirely devoted to sports. I know this opinion will not make me popular - just saying.
It's a beautiful day outside. The sky is bright blue and the sun is out. A bit on the cool side, but at least there's no rain. Rainy weather means muddy paws!
Have a great day and I hope whatever team you're rooting for wins.
P
Last night, Jeff and I went out for dinner. We ate at a steakhouse, where appropriately most people go to eat steak. For sure, they have fish and chicken on the menu, but what's the point of going to a steakhouse if you're going to eat chicken. Chicken is cheap, you can eat it at home anytime.
I ordered Filet Mignon, which is my go to favorite cut of meat. Jeff had a rib eye. That first bite of my filet was so delicious that I actually closed my eyes while I savored the taste of the meat. Jeff and I are beef eaters. Well, we used to be beef eaters, but at the price of steaks currently, there is no red meat in our freezer, except for ground beef. And, ground beef isn't really red meat to me. It's something you cook with and not something you actually make into hamburgers. I didn't finish my meal, which was my intention. Leftovers are so good. But even though I didn't finish my dinner, that didn't stop me from ordering a dessert to go! Life without dessert is just not living.
We watched a bit of television and went to bed after watching several episodes of the tv show "24". With the addition of television shows on Amazon or Netflix, you can binge watch all day long! That's not actually healthy, but you could I suppose.
On Sundays, I load up the Tivo for the week's television shows. Since the Super Bowl is on today, there are no conflicting shows that need to be re-arranged. Thanks to sports on Sundays, our shows starting with "60 Minutes" always have to be recorded longer to accommodate a game. It wouldn't hurt my feelings if ballgames were on a completely different channel, one entirely devoted to sports. I know this opinion will not make me popular - just saying.
It's a beautiful day outside. The sky is bright blue and the sun is out. A bit on the cool side, but at least there's no rain. Rainy weather means muddy paws!
Have a great day and I hope whatever team you're rooting for wins.
P
Saturday, February 4, 2017
A Beautiful Saturday
2/4/2017
Super Bowl Sunday has a deep meaning for myself and my family. It was on that day in 2013, that I decided it was time to check out. I nearly succeeded. People who attempt suicide are generally not messing around. They don't want to scare their family by their actions. They are simply so depressed that life has little or no meaning. I know all about what a good life I had in 2013, but somehow on that particular Sunday none of that mattered.
I've been depressed and anxious a number of times over the past 42 years. I've seen psychologists and psychiatrists. I've been given pills to swallow, under the strictest scrutiny by Jeff. Extra pills are locked up in a safe. When a large pill refill order arrives in the mail, am I a little bit tempted to take them? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. While my mental health has improved some since 2013, I still wonder what I'm doing here. I'm not looking for sympathy and don't expect it. I'm looking and hoping for understanding.
I had more than 20 ECT treatments, which shortly after the procedure leaves a person in a bit of a fog. There is some research that talks about people having some form of brain damage after their ECT treatments. Since 2013 was such a traumatic year for my family and I, perhaps it's better for me emotionally that I don't remember much that happened that year. Even though I can't remember the things, dates and places where I was in 2013, in some way I wish I could. It's not easy knowing that you've basically "lost" nearly an entire year of your life. Gone - nada - not coming back.
There are things worse that could happen to a person physically or mentally. I know this. But, I also know that when depression comes around, it doesn't just nibble at your brain, it takes over. You can try and "talk" your way out of depression, by reminding yourself that you deserve to be here. Sometimes, self-talk simply doesn't work. And forget all about the boot strap theory. That doesn't work either. It's really hard, but I know important, to try and be positive. To look at a glass that is half-full, not half-empty. On good days, and yes I have some of those, particularly when it's sunny and bright outside, where I feel almost normal, whatever normal is.
It actually doesn't take much to push me into a downward spiral. Things bother and upset me. Trivial things. A piece of mail from someone, such as the IRS, puts me in a tailspin, even when I know that there's nothing wrong, just a misfiling of a document. Jeff has and continues to do all the heavy lifting. I'm in charge of little things. Things that in the big picture don't matter much. A grocery list, keep track of tax documents when they come in the mail, and handle our insurance policies. All of these things are stress free. Keeping a list of positives and negatives to talk to my psychiatrist about is something else that I do.
I don't involve myself with big issues and my input is not helpful, in the big scheme of things. I have enough trouble remembering something Jeff told me let's say two days ago! I want to be helpful and I want and need to believe I'm part of the process of things like making decisions about stocks, for example.
I've never thought of myself as a deep thinker. I can hold onto lots of trivia, but things like world news goes in one brain cell and out another. And perhaps that's because world news is now so negative and unsettling.
My champion in my fight to survive, is and always has been Jeff. While I let him and my family down in 2013, I can never adequately (in my opinion) repair the damage that I caused. But, I'm here now and still in the game, even though it's with a somewhat diminished memory.
P
Super Bowl Sunday has a deep meaning for myself and my family. It was on that day in 2013, that I decided it was time to check out. I nearly succeeded. People who attempt suicide are generally not messing around. They don't want to scare their family by their actions. They are simply so depressed that life has little or no meaning. I know all about what a good life I had in 2013, but somehow on that particular Sunday none of that mattered.
I've been depressed and anxious a number of times over the past 42 years. I've seen psychologists and psychiatrists. I've been given pills to swallow, under the strictest scrutiny by Jeff. Extra pills are locked up in a safe. When a large pill refill order arrives in the mail, am I a little bit tempted to take them? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. While my mental health has improved some since 2013, I still wonder what I'm doing here. I'm not looking for sympathy and don't expect it. I'm looking and hoping for understanding.
I had more than 20 ECT treatments, which shortly after the procedure leaves a person in a bit of a fog. There is some research that talks about people having some form of brain damage after their ECT treatments. Since 2013 was such a traumatic year for my family and I, perhaps it's better for me emotionally that I don't remember much that happened that year. Even though I can't remember the things, dates and places where I was in 2013, in some way I wish I could. It's not easy knowing that you've basically "lost" nearly an entire year of your life. Gone - nada - not coming back.
There are things worse that could happen to a person physically or mentally. I know this. But, I also know that when depression comes around, it doesn't just nibble at your brain, it takes over. You can try and "talk" your way out of depression, by reminding yourself that you deserve to be here. Sometimes, self-talk simply doesn't work. And forget all about the boot strap theory. That doesn't work either. It's really hard, but I know important, to try and be positive. To look at a glass that is half-full, not half-empty. On good days, and yes I have some of those, particularly when it's sunny and bright outside, where I feel almost normal, whatever normal is.
It actually doesn't take much to push me into a downward spiral. Things bother and upset me. Trivial things. A piece of mail from someone, such as the IRS, puts me in a tailspin, even when I know that there's nothing wrong, just a misfiling of a document. Jeff has and continues to do all the heavy lifting. I'm in charge of little things. Things that in the big picture don't matter much. A grocery list, keep track of tax documents when they come in the mail, and handle our insurance policies. All of these things are stress free. Keeping a list of positives and negatives to talk to my psychiatrist about is something else that I do.
I don't involve myself with big issues and my input is not helpful, in the big scheme of things. I have enough trouble remembering something Jeff told me let's say two days ago! I want to be helpful and I want and need to believe I'm part of the process of things like making decisions about stocks, for example.
I've never thought of myself as a deep thinker. I can hold onto lots of trivia, but things like world news goes in one brain cell and out another. And perhaps that's because world news is now so negative and unsettling.
My champion in my fight to survive, is and always has been Jeff. While I let him and my family down in 2013, I can never adequately (in my opinion) repair the damage that I caused. But, I'm here now and still in the game, even though it's with a somewhat diminished memory.
P
Friday, February 3, 2017
Stupor, I mean Super Bowl Sunday!
2/3/2017
If football is your sport, then Sunday will be the best day of the year for you. For others, such as myself, just about all I know about football could be summed up in a word or two. Jeff and I don't follow sports, so who's playing on Sunday, matters not to us.
I'm more interested in the commercials. Companies spend huge amounts of money to have the biggest and best commercials on the air. Our favorite commercials always come from Budweiser, because of those magnificent horses.
We don't watch the half-time show because it generally includes a singer(s) that we know nothing about. Gone are the days when music made sense and the lyrics remained in your head for years. And yes, I'm dating myself, but I know some of you out there remember the music from the 60's!
This weekend, stores will be packed with people buying all the necessary and/or required Super Bowl food. Wings, beer, chips, dips, chili, pizza, and nachos are a few of things people prefer to eat while watching the game. I've never understood the fascination with wings. According to those who "know", the average wing weighs 3 ounces and only gives 1 ounce of meat. And, then they add some kind of sauce to the wing, which maybe makes it taste better but sure makes it messier. I'd think you'd be more satisfied with a drumstick! Just saying.
Jeff and I will "watch" and/or nap during the game. Jeff needs to watch enough of the game, so that he can talk football on Monday morning. I, on the other hand, don't have to talk about the game to anyone, so maybe I'll nap first and "watch" second!
Today, it's gloomy outside. I sort of wish we would have some kind of snow event. I don't need a blizzard per se, a few inches would do. Just enough to keep you inside in front of a fire. Oh, and employers who close their business for the day.
I've got many things to do that will keep me busy today. Now, all I HAVE to do is actually DO them!
Have a happy and fast-moving (time-wise) Friday.
P
If football is your sport, then Sunday will be the best day of the year for you. For others, such as myself, just about all I know about football could be summed up in a word or two. Jeff and I don't follow sports, so who's playing on Sunday, matters not to us.
I'm more interested in the commercials. Companies spend huge amounts of money to have the biggest and best commercials on the air. Our favorite commercials always come from Budweiser, because of those magnificent horses.
We don't watch the half-time show because it generally includes a singer(s) that we know nothing about. Gone are the days when music made sense and the lyrics remained in your head for years. And yes, I'm dating myself, but I know some of you out there remember the music from the 60's!
This weekend, stores will be packed with people buying all the necessary and/or required Super Bowl food. Wings, beer, chips, dips, chili, pizza, and nachos are a few of things people prefer to eat while watching the game. I've never understood the fascination with wings. According to those who "know", the average wing weighs 3 ounces and only gives 1 ounce of meat. And, then they add some kind of sauce to the wing, which maybe makes it taste better but sure makes it messier. I'd think you'd be more satisfied with a drumstick! Just saying.
Jeff and I will "watch" and/or nap during the game. Jeff needs to watch enough of the game, so that he can talk football on Monday morning. I, on the other hand, don't have to talk about the game to anyone, so maybe I'll nap first and "watch" second!
Today, it's gloomy outside. I sort of wish we would have some kind of snow event. I don't need a blizzard per se, a few inches would do. Just enough to keep you inside in front of a fire. Oh, and employers who close their business for the day.
I've got many things to do that will keep me busy today. Now, all I HAVE to do is actually DO them!
Have a happy and fast-moving (time-wise) Friday.
P
Thursday, February 2, 2017
Just Call Me Grace....
2/2/2017
Yesterday's chore was to clean (i.e., mop) the basement floor which is concrete. I went down to the bowels of the house armed with a bucket, brush and rags. I was making good progress, until I slipped in the water. This is the part where "my being Grace" comes in. Down I went and my right knee reached the floor before my left knee. I guess that was good news. Initially, all I could do was basically lay on the floor and feel sorry for myself. No sense calling for help and none of the dogs are Lassie, so they were no help.
After my initial shock of falling, I knew I had to get up off the floor somehow. I couldn't just lay there for several hours until Jeff came home. It took me a lot of time to get my left knee up underneath me. After doing that, I pulled myself (no easy task) up onto a small stool. Once I thought I had my left leg firmly planted on the ground, I then dragged up my right leg.
I got upstairs and sent Jeff an email. He came home early, but by then I had taken a pain pill so was half sleeping in my recliner. Dinner was a mix of leftovers. I went to bed early, but the girls decided it was time at 6:00 for me to get up. They managed to pull the clothes hamper over and scattered dirty clothes everywhere.
I've come to the conclusion that mopping is bad for my health! After I finish this blog, I'm going to go upstairs to get dressed and start my day. I'm going to try and avoid the stairs as much as possible, and unfortunately I was only able to clean about 1/4 of the basement floor.
Today, after corresponding with my doctor, have ordered one of those "help, I've fallen and I can't get up" devices. I always sort of laughed when I saw those commercials, but sometimes you just have to swallow your pride and admit that you MIGHT need help as you stumble and fall through life.
P
Yesterday's chore was to clean (i.e., mop) the basement floor which is concrete. I went down to the bowels of the house armed with a bucket, brush and rags. I was making good progress, until I slipped in the water. This is the part where "my being Grace" comes in. Down I went and my right knee reached the floor before my left knee. I guess that was good news. Initially, all I could do was basically lay on the floor and feel sorry for myself. No sense calling for help and none of the dogs are Lassie, so they were no help.
After my initial shock of falling, I knew I had to get up off the floor somehow. I couldn't just lay there for several hours until Jeff came home. It took me a lot of time to get my left knee up underneath me. After doing that, I pulled myself (no easy task) up onto a small stool. Once I thought I had my left leg firmly planted on the ground, I then dragged up my right leg.
I got upstairs and sent Jeff an email. He came home early, but by then I had taken a pain pill so was half sleeping in my recliner. Dinner was a mix of leftovers. I went to bed early, but the girls decided it was time at 6:00 for me to get up. They managed to pull the clothes hamper over and scattered dirty clothes everywhere.
I've come to the conclusion that mopping is bad for my health! After I finish this blog, I'm going to go upstairs to get dressed and start my day. I'm going to try and avoid the stairs as much as possible, and unfortunately I was only able to clean about 1/4 of the basement floor.
Today, after corresponding with my doctor, have ordered one of those "help, I've fallen and I can't get up" devices. I always sort of laughed when I saw those commercials, but sometimes you just have to swallow your pride and admit that you MIGHT need help as you stumble and fall through life.
P
Wednesday, February 1, 2017
Gloomy Day
2/1/2017
Welcome to February! One month down already. I'm not exactly sure where the month went, but it's gone nonetheless. Valentine's Day is just around the corner and the television commercials and newspaper ads, are all about jewelry, candy and flowers. While I would be thrilled to have any one of those, I'd just as soon get a more practical gift, um like, actually at the moment can't think of anything! I love jewelry but already own several beautiful pieces that I wear 24/7 and can't think of anything else I'd need - unless it was a bigger diamond! (Just kidding Jeff)
Today's task and believe me it will be just that, is to go to the basement - ugh - and clean the floor. Apparently, we have ONE dog and that would be Daisy who is still reluctant to go out in the backyard. She and old Sam definitely have one thing in common - their love for all things concrete! I've been closing the basement door and then every hour or so, take the dogs outside and when they go potty, they get a treat. No tinkle, no treat. I will say, that accidents in the house during the day seem to have stopped, or at the very least slowed down, and I'm grateful for any successes, even the small ones!
Jeff and I, but mostly Jeff, have finished the end of the year accounting for the boys' computer company. It's a very good feeling when your envelopes are in the mail to the various tax departments. I have even gotten so organized, that I three-holed punched our copy of all the tax forms, and have already put them in the appropriate binder. How good am I? In my opinion - very good. (insert smiley face here)!
I think my dog trainer device is working. Most of the time all I have to do is pick the device up. This act alone causes the dogs to stop what they're doing and look at me. Mind you, they can and do quickly pick up where they left off - fighting, barking, etc., but I'm convinced that they "know" what the gray thingy in my hand means.
I'd love to stay and "chat", but I've got things to do before the day gets away from me. And, I can quickly become distracted!
P
Welcome to February! One month down already. I'm not exactly sure where the month went, but it's gone nonetheless. Valentine's Day is just around the corner and the television commercials and newspaper ads, are all about jewelry, candy and flowers. While I would be thrilled to have any one of those, I'd just as soon get a more practical gift, um like, actually at the moment can't think of anything! I love jewelry but already own several beautiful pieces that I wear 24/7 and can't think of anything else I'd need - unless it was a bigger diamond! (Just kidding Jeff)
Today's task and believe me it will be just that, is to go to the basement - ugh - and clean the floor. Apparently, we have ONE dog and that would be Daisy who is still reluctant to go out in the backyard. She and old Sam definitely have one thing in common - their love for all things concrete! I've been closing the basement door and then every hour or so, take the dogs outside and when they go potty, they get a treat. No tinkle, no treat. I will say, that accidents in the house during the day seem to have stopped, or at the very least slowed down, and I'm grateful for any successes, even the small ones!
Jeff and I, but mostly Jeff, have finished the end of the year accounting for the boys' computer company. It's a very good feeling when your envelopes are in the mail to the various tax departments. I have even gotten so organized, that I three-holed punched our copy of all the tax forms, and have already put them in the appropriate binder. How good am I? In my opinion - very good. (insert smiley face here)!
I think my dog trainer device is working. Most of the time all I have to do is pick the device up. This act alone causes the dogs to stop what they're doing and look at me. Mind you, they can and do quickly pick up where they left off - fighting, barking, etc., but I'm convinced that they "know" what the gray thingy in my hand means.
I'd love to stay and "chat", but I've got things to do before the day gets away from me. And, I can quickly become distracted!
P
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