One Year Harm Free

6/29/2014

Most people celebrate milestones in their life, such as anniversaries, weddings and birthdays etc. 

 My celebration this week is a personal one.  I am one year harm free.  Last year was the worst one of my life, and Jeff's as well.  For almost nine months I was behind locked doors in hospitals or treatment facilities, and I didn't like it  You really don't appreciate the outdoors or even your own house, until you can't go outside or come home.

There was a period of adjusting for me when I came home last September.  Everything in my life seemed strange, as if I was seeing things for the first time.  Trust me when I tell you this is a weird feeling.

It was many months after coming home, that my psychiatrist and Jeff felt that I could be left alone for short periods of time.  When someone reinvests their trust in you, after you have blown that trust twice before, it's a huge responsibility.

I still have days and perhaps even a week where mentally I'm not up to par.  During those times the world becomes scary and I have to cling even harder to ground myself to stay in the game. Truth is that I believe I will always suffer to some degree with depression and anxiety.  If you get depression under control, you can live with it, but when that depression isn't dormant,  your world becomes tilted and then you know you're in trouble.  Last January and last June both were times where my depression had gone from something in the background that was tolerable to nearly getting the best of me.

I am resolved to work harder to keep my depression under control.  I need to be in control of the disease, not the other way around.

I must give thanks to the many friends and family, who didn't give up on me last year and didn't pass judgment.

P