Solitude

3/25/2013

I enjoy a solitude life.  That may be because I'm reclusive and have been so for many years. Social events puts my anxiety level all the way to a 10!  I have found that I can usually fade into the background very easily and not have to engage in conversation with strangers. Unfortunately, it's been that way for years.  There was a time where I was more of a social person (this is true I swear) and had parties at the house, went to all the Tupperware, etc., parties when invited.  And had a good time.

I raised the boys and for years our house rang with noise from breakfast until bedtime!  How I longed for peace and quiet - even if just for a few hours.  Know we all know that time stands still for no one, and I can tell you that it's the truth.

I think I was a good mother to the boys.  I allowed them to fill up trash cans (clean), fill them with water and take turns rolling down the driveway - they never tired of this.  I also was okay with launching mashed potatoes from forks to see if the potatoes would stick.  Hint: they don't, but the dogs loved this game!  I tolerated the boys playing in the mud and then traipsing through the house with no regard to the mess they created on my floors.

Then they grew up.  They learned to drive, went away for college, dated and then married. Jeff and I are very fortunate that we have a grandson who will be six next month, which doesn't seem possible. When Benjamin comes to visit, the house is filled with laughter and playing silly games.

Once the boys were all out of the house, then the quiet settled in around us.  Nobody called looking for the boys anymore, horns weren't honking when their friends arrived.  When your children are young, and the noise in your house is deafening, you don't even realize that the clocks in your house actually make noise!

Now that it's just Jeff and I rumbling around in the house, we are able to hear the clocks when they chime.  Food actually sticks around for more than a day or two and we don't have to have milk delivered to the house twice a week!  (Yes we actually did that)!

There are no video games being played, no rooms filled with the sounds of laughter from the winners and losers.No steady diet of Diet Cokes, chips and/or cookies, or for that matter anything else they could get their hands on!  There is also no more experimenting!  The boys just had to know if it was true that if you put a Mentos inside a bottle of coke, coke would spew out - and all over the carpet, and it does!  Luckily, this was a one-time experiment but it really did a job on my carpet!  Even with all the things that the boys did, I believe that I was a "cool" mom, because I didn't let a lot of things bother me.  I knew that eventually they would all leave home and there wouldn't be any more adventures.

Now I've become accustomed to the quiet of the house.  I enjoy the silence, probably more than I should.  I like my house, it's comfortable and I'm surrounded with all of my glass treasures that I've collected over the years. I can play Christmas music all year long - with no complaints!

Having said all of that, while I do enjoy the quiet, it's not necessarily the best thing for me.  I can actually go days without leaving the house, and I don't get itchy feet to go somewhere. My solitude and/or or my recluse tendencies is not helpful for a person who (me) is depressed.  

I'm hoping that when spring arrives, the sun shines and flowers grow, that I will find some level of peace being outside and poking around in the flower beds.  

As I write this, it's snowing outside - lightly, but snowing all the same.  I can't wait to see the dogwood and oak trees start to wake up.  Or the pleasure of seeing a freshly mowed lawn (particularly if you're not doing the mowing)!  When the weather warms up, Jeff and I will take the "beemer" out for rides with the top down and hair (at least for those of us who still has some!), blowing in the breeze.  It just doesn't get better than that.

I hope it's sunny where you are today.

P