10/8/2014
You know the song that has words like "know when to fold 'em"? Well today was my day to fold 'em. The lady I worked for at the Humane Society corporate office, called me in today to discuss my "progress, or lack thereof".
I noticed that she had notes of things she wanted to talk to me about. She told me that while I made some progress in the three weeks I've been there, I still need to have instructions repeated over and over again, which is making her work harder not easier.
She began to talk about my doing special projects in the future, but I was able to connect the dots, since they were so close together. I could tell she was having trouble trying to find a nice way to basically tell me to stay home, we'll call you, etc.
I made it easy for her. I told her that I had wanted to believe, or maybe needed to believe, that I could actually work in an office again, but now I know differently. I am going to work on Monday to finish up a small project that she has and then I'll stay home.
The part of my brain that is supposed to help me understand what is being told to me, is still not functioning at it's peak capacity. And maybe it never will. It is hard to live with a brain that is not running on all cylinders. I could have a pity party, but the long and short of it is, I "f....." up last year and I have nobody but myself to blame.
So I'm home now where everything is familiar and peaceful. Jeff continues to handle all the paper that comes into the house. I'm the official envelope licker and stamp "sticker oner" I become confused and agitated over the simplest of things and Jeff has had the patience of a saint when dealing with me.
I know what and who I was in January 2013 before trying to kill myself. What I fear now is that the person who survived isn't at the top of her game and maybe never will be.
P
Patti, you gave it your best and now you know there is a different direction to take. You have inspired me with all your blogs, so much of it I can really relate to. You have made me determined to start cleaning out my closets of things I have held onto for way too long...to downsize if I haven't used it or worn it in the last couple of years....I am going to donate! You have helped me set some major goals...Thank you!!
ReplyDeleteSending you hugs....P.S. Lots of good shows on T.V. tonite...What to watch??
Love,
Ruthie
You deserve peace in your life more than anything. Working in an office does not define who or what you are. I know your feelings were hurt, and you handled it as gracious as you could. So proud of how you handled it. Try to feel better!
ReplyDeleteM
To Ruthie and my sister, I thank you both for the kind and very uplifting words of encouragement. I have to be honest that after I got home, I really became quite upset, and now I'm better. Going back this morning to pick up my sweater and coffee cup and then I'm done.
ReplyDeleteP
Be strong and I know that it is a little harder without Jeff there, but you are doing this and I am proud of you. Try and do something fun today! Have you starting knitting yet? I am thinking about getting mine out although I have never made anything yet, you actually make scarfs...
ReplyDeleteHave a good day!!
Love you, M
Patti, I agree with M when she said working in an office does not define who or what you are. I too worked in the same office for almost 24 yrs. I was proud of the work I did and how the staff and other employees, directors, etc. appreciated my work. I too sort of let it define me. Now 7 yrs. after my retirement, I see that they managed to go on without me.....I had to look for different things and interests in this new phase of my life. I missed the job (sort of) at times, but it was the people I had gotten to know over the years that I left that made it hard for me. I now look back and am thankful I don't have to go to work each day. I have read a lot of great books, had a lot of new adventures, seen a lot of good movies and gone out to lunch with some of my old friends. It has taken time for this adjustment, but I know the best medicine for me is to keep somewhat busy doing the things I choose to do. Also giving to others less fortunate than us has given us a great feeling. We have taken clothing and citrus from our trees for donations in our valley. You did handle the volunteer job so graciously as M said. You told the lady up front....now as M said, enjoy some peaceful time and in the morning some of that great new coffee from your new coffee maker and maybe a lunch out with Kim? Lots of special thoughts sent your way! Ruthie
ReplyDeleteRuthie and Marilee, after a day of "enjoying" my own private pity party, I'm over it. Marilee I am about to take up knitting again, now that the weather is cooler. Nobody wants to knit in the dead heat of summer. Yesterday I went to the movies with Kim, we saw "The 100 step journey" with Helen Mirren. The movie was nice and peaceful, but definitely not Oscar material. As we went to a 5:00 showing, there was just the two of us. As you say Ruthie, retirement does have it's privileges.
ReplyDeleteP
I love Helen Mirren...she is so classy! Glad you enjoyed yourself....
ReplyDeleteHave a wonderful weekend!
M