Life and Friends

10/17/2014

As we move through our journey called life, we gather friends along the way.  We have close friends, old friends, friends who have died and sometimes friends that have moved on. Some people have lots of friends, others not so many.  

I remember being in Lamaze classes and bonding, for only that brief period of time, with the other pregnant mothers in the room.  At the end of our classes, we all hugged and wished each other well.  All of us women knew that our "friendship" was limited to the upcoming births of our baby.  We also knew that we would never see each other again.

A long time ago I worked in a small insurance claim office.  It was me and my boss, who was frequently out on the road or "sleeping it off".  Our office was on the second floor and on the first floor was another small office.  The lady, who was older than me, ultimately introduced ourselves and began sitting on the stairs mid-way between the two offices so we could pop up to answer our phones.  This was also a friendship for a limited time in my life.

I have worked in large corporations where you obviously don't know everybody, just the folks in your circle. In a new job you meet your coworkers and sometimes without even realizing it, you are doing an appraisal of these new people, and likely they are doing the same.  You can be drawn to some people and other people not so much.  You and your circle of work friends can, during off hours, chat (okay gossip) about other people at work, go to office parties and produce food for potluck lunches.  What holds you and your work friends together?  Simply put - work.  Once one or both of you have left that particular office, your chances of remaining in contact are slim to none.  There is no longer a common denominator between the two of you.

During the entire nine months last year where I was hospitalized or in treatment, I met people who were also ill.  We might not have all been hospitalized for the exact same reason, but we were lumped together.  Some people had eating disorders, others had trouble with alcohol and drugs, some had been suicidal, but whatever other problem we suffered from, we all suffered from depression, whether it was mild or severe.  Over meals and during classes, these hospital people became your family.  Souls were searched, tears were shed, and over time laughter entered back into our lives.  When one of us was discharged, there were hugs and a few tears, promises to keep in touch, addresses passed back and forth.  We all knew that we would not get in touch.  Our relationship was merely a moment in our lives, and a time that most likely all of us would like to forget.

Along my journey, I have collected these people.  I no longer know their names or remember what they suffered from, only that we ended up in a room or a ward together.  Having their friendship was very important and during therapy sessions or hospital stays, you would be pulled to one or possibly two people.  These people became your lunch and dinner buddies, handed you Kleenex when you needed it and listened with sympathy to your story.  

No matter where I was last year, hospital or treatment center, I was always the only one who had attempted suicide, not just once but twice.  Talk of suicide in a room full of fragile people, always stops all side chatter immediately.  A virtual hush surrounds you as the other patients try to get their arms around your words.

I worked with a lady many years ago, and during the time that we worked in the same department, we shopped at lunch, went to each others' homes for dinners, made cookies for office parties, and more often than not she and I would get slightly in trouble for laughing and talking too much!  But we had a grand time together.

This week, that friend of many years, was in Maryland and came to the house to spend the day with me.  Her visit spurred me into overdrive to de-clutter two of my spare bedrooms.  I know that my efforts resulted in those rooms looking great.  The closets, on the other hand, not so much!  I have closed the doors on my nice and tidy rooms, knowing that they will remain that way.  Why bother to go into a spare room that you have single handily turned chaos into a neat and tidy guest room.  I'm not expecting any overnight visitor, except for Benjamin, but I relax in my rocking chair knowing that at a moment's notice, I would simply only need to drag a dust rag across the dresser and be ready for company!  

Yesterday, my old friend and I drank coffee, chased with glasses of water and soda and very frequent potty breaks, we are after all "old" women with tiny bladders!  We talked rapid fire fast to catch each other up on the joys and heartaches we each had suffered in our lives.  We enjoyed looking at pictures of grandchildren and agreed that grandchildren are the absolute best thing.  As each of our stories unfolded, we alternated between tears for each other as well as laughter for the funnier things that have happened.  

Visiting with an old friend is like peeling an onion - one layer at a time.  The longer two old friends talk the faster the layers come away.  Good-byes are never easy, especially when you know that it may be many years before a girlfriend gab fest will come again.

So here's to my friend, who warmed my heart yesterday and unlocked some happy memories that we had shared together.

P