Learning to Hug

8/8/2012

Learning to Hug

I grew up in a non-demonstrative home.  There were no verbal or physical affirmations of love.  This is how I was raised so it's no surprise that as an adult I was very much like my parents. My parents were uncomfortable with emotion and even hugging them on my wedding day was uncomfortable for all of us. Toward the end of my Dad's life he was eventually able to tell me that he loved me, words that I don't recall ever hearing from my mother.

I had children of my own and I like to think I was better (maybe not a lot) about showing or telling the boys that I loved them.  If they are reading this and don't think I did such a good job, then I'm sorry.  There is an old saying "we are who we are because of our past" which excellently represents what goes on in many households and leaves us as adults less than perfect.

When Benjamin was born under his difficult circumstances and he came to live with us for what turned out to be two years, I learned finally at age 58 how to hug - really hug.  It also came very easy for me to tell him daily or even hourly how much I loved him.  Why?  I can't really explain it, I just know that it happened.  I had an immediate connection with Benjamin that remains unbroken today, even though he no longer lives with me.

Perhaps I knew deep down that without a mother, Benjamin as a new baby, would miss out on maternal bonding and it might possibly have a deep impact on his life in the future.  I can tell you this - Benjamin at four years of age has a fine solid foundation to grow on.  All of us in the early days were able to give selflessly to him and it shows.

So to Benjamin many thanks and hugs for being who you are and teaching an old woman, and it's never too late to learn, how to really hug and tell someone that you love them. You should do both often and with abandon and I'm trying.

Worthy quote from Leo Buscaglia "Change is the end result of all true learning." 

Happy Wednesday, P