The Inside of a Suicide

2/24/2015

I am attempting, with the help of my editor, to do something (publish?) my blogs.  Not all of them because as we all know, someday I just have blog block.  Luckily, the disease isn't terminal, and I am able to get my groove eventually.

One of the strongest and hardest story to write is "The Inside of a Suicide".  So many people don't know or understand what it feels like to be "mental" (my words, not my psychiatrists).  It's very hard to live with bouts of depression that come and go like a tidal wave, with no reasonable explanation of why.

I'm hoping that if I write about my life up to this point, perhaps I can shed some light on a very dark subject.  I'm pretty sure that I will battle depression for the remainder of my life.  I can hope, with the help of a good doctor and meds, that the disease doesn't bring me to my knees as it did in 2013.

Would I like to be happier, more positive than negative?  You bet.  Doable? Who knows.  At this point any glitch in my life can cause me untold amounts of anxiety.  Jeff, is a rock, my rock.  He understands that I can unravel on a moment's notice, over little or nothing. My mind is, most of the time, my enemy.  

I suffer from short term memory loss, and it's frustrating to not remember some of my yesterdays.  I can, on the other hand, recall exactly what I wore to my senior prom in 1967! Perhaps it's better people say that 2013 is a vague, fuzzy memory for me.

I am doing so much better now, but know that demons will continue to pop up.  I also know that Jeff will be here as my personal demon slayer and will prop me up as I continue on the road of my life.

P