Gloomy and Glum

1/14/2017

It's a dark, wet day outside.  I need sunshine to help me battle my depression in winter.  I saw my psychiatrist yesterday, and she has increased one of my medications.  I sit at my computer with my "SAD" light on, which helps some.

After Jeff got home last night, I told him that my depression was, at the moment, winning.  I am bereft at the thought/possibility that I will suffer from this unseen disease until the end of my days.  I do have some good days, but don't have any great ones.  At times, it feels as if I'm on an escalator going down and down.  And, depression isn't one of those "pull yourself up by your boot straps" or "just be happy" kind of thing.  No, it's more like a soaking wet wool blanket pulled up and over your body.  The weight of it at times is very hard to bear and it's a burden that I didn't ask for and don't want.  But, it's here and settled in apparently for the long haul.  I, at least, get dressed every day.  I don't sit around in sweat pants, which is such a lovely look on everyone!

I joined a book club a few months ago with my friend Auntie Kim.  Yesterday, I told my psychiatrist that I wanted to drop out of the club, because I couldn't remember what I'd read, i.e., have nothing to lend to the book's discussion.  She has encouraged (okay maybe almost insisted) that I continue to go if for no other reason than to have wine and nibbles.  I know she's right, but it doesn't seem fair to the other members of the club if I can't/don't lend anything to the discussion.

I have been rearranging my cupboards to put the super heavy dishes and pans on the bottom of the cupboards.  The upper shelf, which can't hold a lot of weight, now holds plastic lids and boxes.  Of course, good luck in finding the right box and lid at the same time!

It's not particularly cold outside, and I haven't turned the furnace on and likely won't for the next couple of days as the temperature is going to warm up.  Perhaps even in the 60's!

Have a great Saturday.

P