Newspapers

1/11/2013

Newspapers

On a night when my insomnia is acting up, the sound of the newspaper hitting the driveway is a good sound.  Why? Because it means that the rest of the world is beginning to rise and shine and I'll have something to read while I drink my umpteenth cup of coffee.  I use the word read loosely because there is very little in the paper that actually interests me.

Let's take a look at my local paper for a minute.  Each day of the week there is a speciality section as well as all the regulars.  For our paper you get the "A" section (world events, politics etc.), Metro (local stuff), Style (that speaks for itself) and Sports (boring).  Added to that are the supplements: health, food, local living and the weekender.

I will confess that I find the “A” section of the newspaper boring.  Some of the stories either don’t interest me or in some cases I simply don’t understand what they’re talking about.  I absolutely don’t want to read about politics because that is definitely an area that is completely foreign to me.  Big current issues are covered by my favorite "newscaster" John Stewart who takes on each night one or two of the biggest stories/issues.  I know he's on the comedy channel, but the stuff he talks about is really news - he just puts a different and better spin on it.

As for the Metro section of the paper it’s about murder, mayhem and politics on the local level as well as the obituaries. Weather is on the last page but since I read the paper at night the day’s weather is already over so no sense reading that.

Aw but the Style section is definitely my part of the paper.  Gossipy news about famous folks who are generally doing stupid stuff, reviews of television shows that probably shouldn’t even be on the air and finally the comics, something fun and entertaining, some of the time.  Jeff reads all and I do mean ALL of the paper, including every page of the "A" section.  The only part of the paper that he pays no attention to is the comics, which is nearly the best part.  I'll never understand.

Oh and let’s not forget the advice columns of which there are many.  Apparently, a lot of people need advice about a lot of things.  Folks seem to need help with their spouses, children, parents and in-laws – but not necessarily in that order.  And the Style section on the weekend has engagement and wedding announcements, some of which are ridiculously over the top.  Do I really need to know what the bride’s father does?  Or that her dress was adorned with six thousand pearls all personally hand plucked from the ocean by the bride on her last vacation.  As they now say “back in the day” the wedding announcements were brief and to the point.  Date, place and who just about covered the necessary details.  Honeymoon destinations were not part of announcements nor was your parents’ occupations.  

This is going to sound bad but I never read the Sports section.  I do know the difference between a football and a basketball but nothing more.  The only thing I understand about football is when a goal is made.  Everything else might as well be in Greek.  And why are any sports uniforms white?  What a great color for sliding around on grass or in mud.  I don't envy whoever does the uniform cleaning.

When Jeff is at home he reads the paper thoroughly and gives me my news in a nutshell.  Even though he’s out of town he left me a message yesterday about the flu which is making news already. How did he know that?  And how did I manage to miss it?  Probably because there was no picture or eye-catching headline or more likely it was buried deep inside the "A" section!

It's Friday in case you've lost track of the week and Jeff is coming home today.  He already knows that some of his weekend chores will include drilling out the filing cabinet lock (and you people know I really tried to deal with that myself), buy a new pair of needle nose pliers, clear the paper jam in the printer that I caused when I tried to print Wilma the other night, put gas in my car and go and get groceries.  Oh and if that's not enough - process the battery paperwork that has accumulated while he's been away and pay bills.  I know after you read all that you're probably wondering what do I do around here (insert smile here).  At the moment and this is very important, I am full speed ahead on Wilma - because if I don't finish - then I can't possibly ever get it published - and Jeff will never get his new and faster plane!  So you see while I'm hunkered over the computer and going through piles of paper every night, I'm actually "making" money!  Oh would I love to see that dream come true!

Have a great day (jeans day at my office which is reason enough to show up on Fridays) and a great weekend.  In our area, because I did check the weather (shocker), I know we're looking at temperatures in the 60's this weekend!

P

P.S.  I just brought in today's paper and ABOVE the fold is a big article about the flu!