Losing a Parent

6/2/12

Losing a Parent

My name is Bill and I’m 8 years old and I’m a lot like you.  I like soccer, video games, going to the movies, ice cream and summer vacations.  The difference between you and me is that my Mother died when I was very young and my Father wasn’t around. 

 Everybody says that families are supposed to be a Dad, a Mom and children.  But it doesn’t always work out that way.  Sometimes children have to live with aunts and uncles, older brothers or sisters or even their grandparents. Other children, who have lost a parent because of an illness or accident, live with just their Mom or Dad.  It doesn’t matter how big or small your family is or whether you live with relatives or one parent.  The most important thing to remember about a family – is they’re family – no matter what.

After my mother died, I went to live with my grandparents.  Do I miss my Mom?  Since I was a baby when my Mom died, I don’t miss her like I would if I had been older.  What I do miss about her is the things that I will never be able to do, like talking to her, hugging her, until it’s uncool, and being loved by her.  Grandma tells me Mom was a wonderful woman and would have been a great Mother.  I know Grandma still misses her because I see how sad she looks when she goes through pictures she keeps in her cedar chest.  

Grandma really understands about memories.  She knows that I don’t have any of my own so she tries and gives some of hers to me.  In Grandma’s cedar chest are some of my Mother’s things that Grandma says I can have when I’m older.  In the hallway is a grandfather clock that belonged to my Mom and it will be mine when I’m grown-up.  My favorite picture that I have in my room is Mom at the beach laughing at something or someone.  She is pregnant with me in the picture and it’s the only picture I have of the two of us.  Through Grandma’s stories she makes my Mom real for me so it’s sort of like I know her.  Maybe somebody is doing that for you too.

Grandma says it’s okay if you miss your Mom and Dad and its okay to be sad.  She says that time makes things better and I know this is true because I’ve seen it happen.  When Grandma’s old dog, Sandy, died she was sad for days and days, she even put away the food bowls and his leash and collar.  Then one day she picked me up after school and said we were going to the Humane Society to get a new dog and I could pick him out by myself!  There were lots of dogs there and they all needed homes but Grandma said we could only have one.  It was a really hard decision; but I eventually found a mutt that was white and brown with a floppy ear.  A mutt is a dog that has a mixed background, kind of like some families.  The dog’s name is Frisky and he makes both me and Grandma smile.  And while I know she still misses Sandy, she loves the way Frisky jumps around and licks her face.  She pretends not to like it; but I know better.

Let me tell you what it’s like to live with my grandparents.  First off, they’re older than most parents and I didn’t always understand that.  When I was younger I’m pretty sure that I wore them out with my whining, because every kid does that and jumping and running around.  It was hard for my grandparents to keep up with me and sometimes that made me angry.  Now that I’m older I have friends my own age that I play with and I know when I go inside the house, Grandma and Grandpa are waiting for me.

Now here’s what’s really cool about living with my grandparents and maybe it’s the same for you.  Because they are older they are patient, smart and have lots of time for me. My Grandpa has taught me how to kill at checkers, unless I’m playing with him and then I always lose – but I think he might be cheating just a little!  Grandpa taught me how to ride a bike without training wheels but drew the line at teaching me about skateboarding.  He bought the skateboard; but, said he wouldn’t be caught dead on it.  I think Grandpa is afraid he’ll fall off and break something.

Grandma has taught me different things.  She has read to me every night and even naptimes since I can remember.  Grandma keeps a plastic box in her bedroom filled with books and I always get to choose the story.  Since I’m older now Grandma lets me do the reading and she’s the one that falls asleep!  I own books that she calls the “Classics” – Robinson Crusoe, Swiss Family Robertson, The Three Musketeers and Tom Sawyer are some of them.  These are big books and it takes us many nights to finish.

I get to cook in the kitchen with Grandma and know how to make a great omelet, bake a cake, but not from scratch because Grandma says we have time to learn about that, and make a mean chili that makes her eyes water!  My secret ingredient in the chili is adding some spicy peppers.  It’s okay if you’re Grandma or parent doesn’t like cooking – get a cookbook and you can learn together.  Maybe your Grandma knits and makes you the coolest scarves ever.  Let her teach you how to knit and make her a scarf for her birthday or Christmas.

I’ll be honest, at first whenever Grandma and Grandpa went to school to meet with my teachers or go to meetings, I was embarrassed.  All my friends’ parents were younger, moved faster and understood all about new technology and stuff.  I didn’t want anybody to know that the slow moving gray haired people in the room belonged to me.  I’m happy to say that I’ve gotten over that now and I’m really proud to be seen with my grandparents.  Grandma even volunteers in my class during the week and helps students with their work.  Here’s what I know for sure – these two people have loved me forever and always will.  I can depend on them.

Now about Grandpa.  Besides teaching me about checkers and bikes we go fishing.  Grandpa has a little boat and on weekends we go out to the bay and set traps for crabs and put our poles in the water to catch fish.  Grandma says that if we bring any fish home, we’ve got to clean ‘em.  I used to think that we didn’t catch any fish because Grandpa wasn’t a very good fisherman.  Nope that’s not it – he catches plenty of fish and when he thinks I’m not looking he puts them back in the water.  How crazy is that?  I really think that he just doesn’t want to have to clean any fish and they really do smell.  After every fishing trip Grandpa stops at the store and buys fresh fish all wrapped up in butcher paper and when we get home Grandma makes a big fuss about what good fishermen we are.  I’m pretty sure that Grandma knows where the fish comes from – but maybe that’s her little secret.

Your Grandpa may not like fishing, but I bet there’s something that he does like to do.  Maybe he bowls, swims, collects stamps, or even rides a bike.  I promise you that whatever he does like doing he will share with you.

My grandparents are really proud of me and everything I do.  And you know what?  I’m proud of them too because they raised me and have surrounded me with love.  Whoever you’re living with is doing the same thing for you and they’ll help keep the memories of your Mom or Dad alive.  I know that Grandma and Grandpa have done that for me.

My Mom is gone, I know that.  Grandma says that I’m the best part of my Mom and that no matter what I do or where I go, Mom will always be watching over me.

So when it’s dark go outside and look up at the stars.  While you won’t be able to see your Mom or Dad; trust me, I know they’re up there looking down at you just like my Mom does at me.