6/16/2012
Waterbeds, Leaks and Dad
In 1974 when Jeff and I were dating, waterbeds were all the
rage. There were drawbacks of course,
what really good product doesn’t; but, supposedly the sleep you would get on a
waterbed was not to be compared to a regular mattress.
In a win-win between us and my parents we rented out their
second home at a bargain based price and much less than the last tenant had
paid. Of course that guy wasn’t kin so it made
sense that there was no discount for him.
As the days got closer to our actually moving into the house we happened to tell my mom about the water bed (big mistake). I don’t really think it was the water bed
that was the problem – it was that I unfortunately told her the bed came with a
vibrator. I could not convince her that
a 6’ x 6’ vibrator underneath a ton (give or take a pound or two) of water was
anything more than a device to create waves to lull you to sleep. She was highly offended – the heater for the
bed was okay – but that other thing – ugh.
My father’s worry was about the safety of a water bed. What if it leaked? How much water did the bed actually
hold? We assured him that we had bought
the very latest water bed that had a bladder of air around the water so that if
you sprung a leak, the bladder would contain the leak until you could make
repairs. It was going to be okay – trust
us we said – and he did. And that was a mistake.
We hadn’t been in Dad’s house more than a month or two when
disaster struck. I came home with Kenny
and when I opened the front door I was greeted with a deluge of water. There was water everywhere. Padding around barefoot I could see that we
had been the subject of a robbery and based on the damage probably by teenagers. When I got to the bedroom, I saw exactly why
the bladder hadn’t held. The “bad guy(s)”
had stabbed the bed many times and then because it wouldn’t leak out like they thought
it would/should, they put our dresser drawers on the air bladder which caused
them to sag and then the water flowed like Niagara – all over my Dad’s house!
That was a painful call I tell you.
How do you explain to your Dad that your perfectly safe water bed is now
floating down the hallway and has ruined the carpets and flooring and hasn’t
done much for the walls either. The “bad
guy” left behind the knife he had used on the waterbed complete with
fingerprints, which was nice of him. We also had a Pioneer
turntable (remember those) and he didn’t take the turntable, he just took the
arm rendering the turntable useless. Who does that? He even took time to unwrap all of the
avocados we had put in newspaper to help them ripen sooner. Those he didn’t take - apparently not into veggies.
Between Dad’s insurance company and ours, Dad’s house was
outfitted with new carpeting and flooring and we were given money to buy a new
turntable, a bed and a minimal settlement for my childhood jewelry that was
taken. This guy took a ring that I wore
when I was perhaps 3 or 4 years of age – probably not much call for that at a
pawn shop. But be on the lookout for a
ring (tiny very tiny) with three little green (also tiny) stones on top.
We replaced the water bed still believing in the bladder
technology. Fast forward several years
and our bed sprung a leak once again. It
seems that our oldest son, when left alone, used the bed as a trampoline which
eventually caused the bladder to weaken and the water poured out once more –
only this time in OUR house.
When Jeff and I slept on the floor – which was wet, we went
out the very next day and bought a regular “grown up” bed and while it gets old
and needs replacing from time to time – it never meets you at the front door!
mix. And, how exactly
do I know this? Because it happened to
me. Jeff and I used to play pinochle and
I was a lousy partner. No not exactly
lousy, but gutless. My bids were small
even if I had a great hand and the only person who would partner up with me was
my Dad. I digress a bit. One night we were playing our usual card game
and I, at the time, liked to drink screwdrivers (lots of orange juice, very
little vodka). Somewhere during the
evening Jeff apparently was giving me lots of vodka and little or no orange
juice. I was bold with my card playing
and it was the best game I’ve ever played.
When we got home, my head was buzzing and being on a
waterbed that created waves every time one of us moved is not a good
combination with alcohol. At one point
during the night, Jeff turned over and I was literally “thrown overboard” onto the floor and I
believe that’s where I stayed the rest of the night. You know the warnings about drinking and
driving – well heed this one as well – drinking and waterbeds is a no-no.
P
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